Love thy neighbour as thyself?

Anastasia De Waal, 14 June 2010

Forget asking your neighbour for a cup of sugar and a couple of eggs in a school cake sale disaster, writes Annaliese Briggs.

Super-duper pop-up buggies make for a speedy exit from the family home, and then it’s straight down the road and into the nearest patisserie for the next best tarte tatin.

A British study commissioned by Cooperatives UK has quashed visions suburban bliss enveloping communities across the country, as epitomised by the desperate housewives of Wisteria Lane.  We’ve replaced the Gospel according to Matthew and keeping up appearances à la Hyacinth Bucket with collecting followers on Facebook and shunning the world beyond the picket fence.

This comparative research, using questions similar to those in the 1982 Sunday Times/Mori study, suggests that neighbourliness has declined by about half in the period since the original results were published.  Ed Mayo, general secretary of Cooperatives UK, underlines key findings by stating that, over the course of nearly three decades, we have ‘fewer friends, more loneliness, [and] less contact with people.’  The maths is easy: simply divide the number of people helping neigbours by those giving them problems and voilà! you’ve created the Good Neighbour Index. (NB: this test is not recommended within earshot of those next door. We may not have ‘the bedrock of the garden fence to fall back on’ but that’s not to say the curtains don’t still twitch.)

Bizarrely, this research homes in on the implications of the number of offspring in keeping on good terms with the Joneses.  Prospective parents beware: a maximum of two children is preferable. Anymore and the neighbours begin to regret not opting for the double glazed, detached house down the road.  Parenting two children also ensures your friends don’t all abandon you at once; expect to lose one friend per two children.  There’s clearly a negative correlation between the number of amiable dinner parties per parent and the number of dirty nappies, sleepless nights and shatterproof tumblers you can find under one roof. I’m one of five, which probably means my parents have about half a friend between them.

Results also indicate that parents are increasingly depending on support from families and professional help, proving that blood is thicker than water and, well, parents are getting their money’s worth from statutory services.  These findings present a bleak picture of Britain, and the ramifications for policy-makers couldn’t be made more obvious:  Mayo sensibly attributes these changes in attitudes to ‘different patterns of family life and work.’  And with part time workers identified in the survey as ‘pillars of society’ (those, presumably coming out trumps on the Good Neighbour Index), questions should be raised with regard to getting part time workers into full time jobs, especially mothers who, in bygone years, have occupied an indispensable central position in communities.  Having the flexibility and freedom to dedicate time to community work might just be key to keeping the neighbourhood watch a collective activity, and not a covert individual pursuit.