Another one bites the dust
Anastasia De Waal, 28 May 2010
Just how many punches constitute one punch too many, asks Annaliese Briggs?
The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery we seem aware of our own existence, even though it may be in the form of a monstrous egotism: this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us: we lose our identity.
Hate is the stuff of literature. And now it seems to be the stuff of the playground too. If only our friends across the pond had delved into a Graham Greene novel, instead of resolving a conflict with kids from the next block through co-operation and negotiation. Perhaps then, psychologists from the University of California in Los Angeles might not have taken six decades to catch up with our twentieth century literary forebears.
UCLA researchers have suggested in a new report that standing up to classroom bullies can be a wise move. Forget ignoring or placating tyrannical teens: repaying hostility in kind is apparently socially and emotionally advantageous, gaining respect from peers and teachers and countering a culture of victimization.
If the latest storyline in Eastenders is anything to go by, a little bit of bullying can be good for children. Streetwise scriptwriters, au fait with their jabs and left hooks, have dumbfounded viewers with the transformation of the previously quiet and placid 13-year-old Ben Mitchell into a cruel and vindictive thug. He commands the kind of respect from his peers that I acquired from my younger siblings when I shoved my goading brother off the sofa and into the coffee table, splitting his head open in the process. Nine stitches, a nasty scar and fifteen years later, I still crack the whip and only feel a little bit guilty that he now looks like Harry Potter.
Problematically, however, findings from UCLA, whilst qualifying Ben Mitchell’s actions and sweetening the residue of guilt I was left with, muddy the water for anti-bullying campaigns in schools nationwide, causing a conundrum for any ethics committee.
Just how many punches constitute one punch too many?
Employing a zero-tolerance policy in schools makes for straightforward monitoring: one punch is a punch too many. But what this report appears to suggest, is that it is the repeated exposure to bullying over a period of time that should cause concern, not the isolated incidents themselves. Dr Helene Guldberg, author of Reclaiming Childhoood: Freedom and Play in an Age of Fear, writes, ‘By insisting that bullying is everywhere and that all relationships between children are potentially problematic, it is harder for us to be vigilant about brutality and real threats to children’s long-term health and happiness.’ To a point, a bit of reciprocal bullying is character building and helps develop social and emotional skills. But where should parents and teachers alike draw the line? (Think: sociable glass of red wine in the pub meets cardiac arrest in later life.) Childhood is sometimes unpleasant and traumatic, so less of the Victorian idealization of children and more informed case-by-case common sense campaigns please. Or I’ll come round to your house and make mincemeat of you.