Vacancy: EU President

pete quentin, 14 January 2008

If fully ratified, the EU’s Lisbon Treaty will create a new role of permanent EU President. Tony Blair’s speech in Paris on 12th January has increased speculation that he aims to become the first full-time EU President, writes Claire Daley.
The possible contenders are currently keeping their cards carefully concealed. However, players are beginning to come to the table. Poker faces at the ready…

JOB VACANCY: President of the European Council!
Have you ever dreamed of securing world peace and harbouring neighbourly supra-national relations? Are you excited by the prospect of tackling international challenges? Then we have the perfect job for you!!
Here at the European Union, we are seeking a fast-talking and persuasive diplomat to act as a figurehead on the world stage*.
[*small print: Position subject to ratification of Lisbon Reform Treaty]
Duties include: Chairing meetings and fostering efficient decision-making.*
[*small print: Minor technicalities and insubstantial complications. The role is currently somewhat under defined…especially with regards to foreign policy. The successful candidate might face a power struggle with national leaders and EU Commission President Barroso, all of whom insist the key decisions should be made by them…However! Here at the European Union, we believe in the power of complexity and ambiguity!
Appointment is also subject to a majority vote by Heads of government of EU member states. A possible problem for any candidate who has previously defied the EU and declared war with an alternative world superpower…]
Salary: £200,000
Contract: 2 ½ Years fixed term (possibility to extend)
Start date: January 2009
Applicant:
CV – Mr “I’m hugely busy, but reckon I can squeeze it in…” Anthony Blair:
Experience:
1. Former UK Prime Minister
2. Current international peace envoy to the Middle East
(But role only really keeps me in Jerusalem for one week per month)
3. Shortly to be part-time advisor to US investment bank J P Morgan
(salary – £500,000)
4. “lucrative” speaking engagements
( £125,000 per appearance)
Future projects:
1. £5million contract signed for memoirs.
2. Launching Blair Foundation later this year to promote greater understanding between faiths
Personal Statement:
As I stated in a speech last week to President Sarkozy and his UMP party, my mission statement is ensuring that “Europe is not a question of Left or Right, but a question of the future or the past, of strength or weakness,” We need a “strong and united Europe”. Also I quite fancy being back at the centre of world affairs again, while earning more than most other politicians…and, whilst I am incredibly busy, my friends seem to think I’d be quite good…
References:
1. Nicholas Sarkozy French President:
You see, I met Mr Blair recently for a bit of “sun-lounger diplomacy” on holiday in Egypt’s Sharm el Sheikh resort and although, at this time of rife speculation about possible candidates for the EU Presidency, I’m not publically backing him, I would just like to stress that he is “one of Europe’s greats” and that he “is a remarkable man, the most European of all the British”, and don’t forget that he “persuaded Britain to sign up to the EU reform treaty”. Like me, he certainly does seem to have “energy in all areas”.
2. Georg W. Bush- US President:
I believe Prime Minister Blair would make a fine EU President. Whilst Mr Blair might not gain the approval of many EU leaders because of the Iraq war, my current visit to Israel looks set to solve the Israel-Palestine conflict “within the year”! Who knows, with any luck he might turn out to be the most American of all the Europeans…
3. Anthony Seldon- Mr Blair’s authorised biographer.
The position fits Blair’s dream of removing bureaucrats to “just have leaders talking to leaders. The EU job would be about him talking to leaders.”
[Small print: Translation: “Me Blair. Me powerful.”]
4. Gordon Brown- current UK Prime Minister:
I think Mr Blair’s appointment is not something I can smother in red tape. He is a very European Briton. Uummm. Well, yes. Ummm. That would make him my superior again then wouldn’t it…? ummm. Yes.
Notes for interview:
Given the possible power struggle with other EU parliamentarians, Mr Blair will need to express how he views the role. Will it simply be a case of first Britain, then Europe and onto world domination? Or perhaps the infamous bureaucracy and political inertia of the EU will act as a frustrating constraint?
Blair certainly brings considerable experience in foreign affairs to the table, but the stakes are high, and rules of the game unclear. Many are concerned the new role will result in a further loss of national sovereignty to European powers and therefore a British appointee may be valuable to appease British interests. Alternatively, perhaps our interests would be best served by the appointment of a less ambitious figure, especially given there has been no suggestion that this controversial and highly powerful position should be directly elected…